Showing posts with label HOW TO CALL THE POLICE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label HOW TO CALL THE POLICE. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE.


 email from jks weerasekera

George  Phillips, an elderly man from
Walled Lake, Michigan
, was  going up
 
to be
 but he'd
left the light on in  the garden shed,
which he could see from the bedroom
 
window.
 
George  opened the back door to go turn
off the light, but saw that there were
people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who  asked 
"Is someone in your house?"

He  said "No," but some people are
breaking into my garden shed and
 
stealing  from me.

The police dispatcher said "All
patrols are busy, you should lock your
doors and an officer will be along when
one is available"

George   hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds
ago because there were people stealing
things from my shed. Well, you don't  have to worry about
them now because I just shot and killed
them both
.  The dogs are eating them
right now," and he hung up.

Within  five minutes, six Police Cars, a
SWAT Team
, a Helicopter,  two Fire
 
Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance
 
showed up at the Phillips'  residence,
 
and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the  Policemen said to George, 
"I thought you said that you'd shot  them!"

George  said, "I thought you said 
there was nobody available!"

(True  Story)

Don't  mess with old people 

A few chuckles for seniors.
GETTING OLDER

A distraught senior citizen 
phoned her doctor's
office.
 
"Is it true," she wanted to know,
 
"that the medication
 
you prescribed has to be taken
 
for the rest of my life?"
 
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor
 
told her.
 
There was a moment of silence
 
before the senior lady replied,
 
"I'm wondering, then,
 
just how serious is my condition
 
because this prescription is
 
marked
  'NO REFILLS'.."

*********************** 
An older gentleman was
 
on the operating table
 
awaiting surgery
 
and he insisted that his son,
 
a renowned surgeon,
 
perform the operation.
 
As he was about to get the
 
anesthesia, he asked to speak
 
to his son.
 
"Yes, Dad , what is it?"
 
"Don't be nervous, son;
 
do your best,
 
and just remember,
 
if it doesn't go well,
 
if something happens to me,
 
your mother
 
is going to come and
 
live with you and your wife...."
 
(I LOVE IT!)
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Aging:
 
Eventually you will reach a point
 
when you stop lying about your
 
age
 and start bragging about it. 
This is so true.
 
I love
 to hear them say 
"you don't look that old."

--------------------------------- 
The older we get,
 
the fewer things
 
seem worth waiting in line for.
 
(Mostly because we forgot why we
were waiting in line in the first place
!!)
---------------------------------

Some people
 
try to turn back their odometers.
 
Not me!
 
I want people to know
 why 
I look this way.
 
I've traveled a long way
 
and some of the roads weren't
 
paved.

******************** 
When you are dissatisfied
 
and would like to go back to youth,
 
think of Algebra.

------------------------------- 
One of the many things
 
no one tells you about aging
 
is that it is such a nice change
 
from being young.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Ah, being young is beautiful,
 
but being old is comfortable.
 
*********
 
First you forget names,
 
then you forget faces.
 
Then you forget to pull up
 
your zipper...
 it's worse when 
you forget to pull it down.
 
````````````````
 
Two guys, one old, one young,
 
are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart
 
when they collide.
 
The old guy says to the young guy,
 
"Sorry about that. I
 
'm looking for my wife,
 and I guess I 
wasn't paying attention
 
to where I was going."
 
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a
 
coincidence.
 
I'm looking for my wife, too...
 
I can't find her and I'm getting a little
 
desperate."
 
The old guy says,
"Well, maybe I can help you find her...
 
what does she look like?"
 
The young guy says,
 
"Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall,
 
with red hair,
 
blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra,
 
long legs,
 and is
wearing short shorts.
 
What does
 your wife look like?' 
To which the old guy says, "Doesn't
 
matter,
 --- let's look for yours." 
(ADORABLE)

********************* 
(And this final one especially for me,)
 
"Lord,
 
keep Your arm around my shoulder
 
and Your hand over my mouth!"

Now, if you feel this doesn't apply to you . . .
stick around awhile . . .
 
it will!