HOW TO CALL THE POLICE.

 email from jks weerasekera

George  Phillips, an elderly man from
Walled Lake, Michigan, was  going up 
to be but he'd
left the light on in  the garden shed,
which he could see from the bedroom 
window. 
George  opened the back door to go turn
off the light, but saw that there were
people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who  asked 
"Is someone in your house?"

He  said "No," but some people are
breaking into my garden shed and 
stealing  from me.

The police dispatcher said "All
patrols are busy, you should lock your
doors and an officer will be along when
one is available"

George   hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds
ago because there were people stealing
things from my shed. Well, you don't  have to worry about
them now because I just shot and killed
them both.  The dogs are eating them
right now," and he hung up.

Within  five minutes, six Police Cars, a
SWAT Team, a Helicopter,  two Fire 
Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance 
showed up at the Phillips'  residence, 
and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the  Policemen said to George, 
"I thought you said that you'd shot  them!"

George  said, "I thought you said 
there was nobody available!"

(True  Story)

Don't  mess with old people 

A few chuckles for seniors.

GETTING OLDER A distraught senior citizen  phoned her doctor's office.  "Is it true," she wanted to know,  "that the medication  you prescribed has to be taken  for the rest of my life?"  "'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor  told her.  There was a moment of silence  before the senior lady replied,  "I'm wondering, then,  just how serious is my condition  because this prescription is  marked  'NO REFILLS'.." ***********************  An older gentleman was  on the operating table  awaiting surgery  and he insisted that his son,  a renowned surgeon,  perform the operation.  As he was about to get the  anesthesia, he asked to speak  to his son.  "Yes, Dad , what is it?"  "Don't be nervous, son;  do your best,  and just remember,  if it doesn't go well,  if something happens to me,  your mother  is going to come and  live with you and your wife...."  (I LOVE IT!)  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  Aging:  Eventually you will reach a point  when you stop lying about your  age and start bragging about it.  This is so true.  I love to hear them say  "you don't look that old." ---------------------------------  The older we get,  the fewer things  seem worth waiting in line for.  (Mostly because we forgot why we were waiting in line in the first place!!) --------------------------------- Some people  try to turn back their odometers.  Not me!  I want people to know why  I look this way.  I've traveled a long way  and some of the roads weren't  paved. ********************  When you are dissatisfied  and would like to go back to youth,  think of Algebra. -------------------------------  One of the many things  no one tells you about aging  is that it is such a nice change  from being young.  ~~~~~~~~~~~  Ah, being young is beautiful,  but being old is comfortable.  *********  First you forget names,  then you forget faces.  Then you forget to pull up  your zipper... it's worse when  you forget to pull it down.  ````````````````  Two guys, one old, one young,  are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart  when they collide.  The old guy says to the young guy,  "Sorry about that. I  'm looking for my wife, and I guess I  wasn't paying attention  to where I was going."  The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a  coincidence.  I'm looking for my wife, too...  I can't find her and I'm getting a little  desperate."  The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her...  what does she look like?"  The young guy says,  "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall,  with red hair,  blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra,  long legs, and is wearing short shorts.  What does your wife look like?'  To which the old guy says, "Doesn't  matter, --- let's look for yours."  (ADORABLE) *********************  (And this final one especially for me,)  "Lord,  keep Your arm around my shoulder  and Your hand over my mouth!" Now, if you feel this doesn't apply to you . . . stick around awhile . . .  it will!