Monday, September 29, 2014

Having Benedict at Vatican is like having grandparent, says Francis


Thousands of people at St Peter's Square applauded when Francis told them that Benedict's living in papal retirement at the Vatican was 'like having a wise grandparent at home.'
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29 September 2014
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Royals rent out cottage of man who entranced the Queen.

The Queen is set to cash in on Indian servant Abdul Karim’s scandalous links with her great-great-grandmother by renting out his former home on the Balmoral Estate for up to £1,080 per week.
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29 September 2014
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Why I Like Retirement !

email from Imelda
 


Question: How many days in a week? 
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday 



Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? 
Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch. 


Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb? 
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. 



Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees? 
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done. 


Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? 
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount. 

Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire? 
Answer: Tied shoes. 


Question: Why do retirees count pennies? 
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time. 


Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? 
Answer: NUTS! 

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? 
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there. 


Question: What do retirees call a long lunch? 
Answer: Normal .
Question: What is the best way to describe

retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break. 


Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? 
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents. 


Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with? 
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth. 


And, my very favorite.... 
QUESTION: What do you do all week? 
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest. 


SE
N
E
L
ITY
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.... 
'Two years older than me' 
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.. 
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 
'And what do you think is the best thing 
about being 104?' the reporter asked... 
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
The nice thing about being senile is 
you can hide your own Easter eggs
and have fun finding them.
I've sure gotten old! 
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, 
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. 
I'm half blind, 
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, 
take 40 different medications that 
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. 
Have bouts with dementia. 
Have poor circulation; 
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. 
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. 
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, 
I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, 
so I got my doctor's permission to 
join a fitness club and start exercising. 
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. 
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, 
by the time I
got my leotards on, 
the class was over.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. 
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? 
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises 
as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff 
in my shopping cart says, 
'For fast relief.'
THE SENILITY PRAYER : 
Grant me the senility to forget the people 
I never liked anyway, 
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and 
the eyesight to tell the
difference.

Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are! 

Always Remember This: 
You don't stop laughing because you grow old, 
You grow old because you stop laughing!




VERY IMPORTANT TO READ FOR THOSE WHO TAKE MEDICATIONS, ESPECIALLY AS WE AGE!!
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Sunday, September 28, 2014

Toastmaster award.

email from

Dawood
27 Sep (2 days ago)
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Dananjaya Hettiarachchi, Winner of Toastmasters International speech Contest.

"I see something in you": 

\http://www.businessinsider.com/toastmasters-public-speaking-champion-dananjaya-hettiarachchi-2014-9

Best regards

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NFL fever hits Regent Street ahead of Dolphins-Raiders clash.

Thousands of NFL fans have descended on Regent Street to celebrate the return of American Football to London ahead of the Miami Dolphins-Oakland Raiders game at Wembley on Sunday.
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28 September 2014
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German Shepherd throws a tantrum like a toddler to avoid going home.

A dog in the US has become world famous for her insolence after her owner posted a video of her throwing a theatrical tantrum to YouTube. 
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28 September 2014
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Could Sajid Javid be Britain's first Asian Prime Minister?

Sajid Javid, the first man of Asian heritage to hold a position in the Cabinet, was born to parents who had moved to Britain with just £1 to their name. Now some are tipping him as a future leader.
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28 September 2014
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