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Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on
the couch.
Question: How many retirees to change a light
bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What's the biggest gripe of
retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get
everything done.
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called
Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.
Question: Among retirees, what is considered
formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for someone
who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean
out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do,
one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal .
Question: What is the best way to describe
retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.
Question: What's the biggest advantage of
going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls
your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he
doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole
truth.
And, my very favorite....
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING.....
Saturday & Sunday, I rest.
SE
N
E
L
ITY
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Just before the
funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and
asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied....
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
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Reporters
interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked...
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
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The nice thing
about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs
and have fun
finding them.
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I've sure gotten
old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm
half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
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I feel like my body
has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an
hour. But,
by the time I
got my leotards on,
the class was over.
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My memory's not
as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
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Know how to
prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
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It's scary when
you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.
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These days about
half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'
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THE SENILITY
PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the
difference.
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Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10
others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who
they are!
Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing!
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