Why teachers drink.

email from Gallege De Silva

	29 May

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination These are genuine answers (from 16-year-olds).

These people will be voting in a few years!!   Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar   Q. How is dew formed A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire   Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed   Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election   Q. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs     (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)   Q. What happens to your body as you age A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental   Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)   Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A. Premature death   Q. What is artificial insemination A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow   Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A. Keep it in the cow     (Simple, but brilliant)nd: white;" class="yiv0027857196ecxMsoNormal">    (Simple, but brilliant)   Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized

(e.g. The abdomen) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium,

the borax and the abdominal cavity.  The brainium

contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and

lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U   Q. What is the fibula? A. A small lie   Q. What does 'varicose' mean? A. Nearby   Q. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium     (That would work)   Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section' A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome   Q. What is a seizure? A. A Roman Emperor.     (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)   Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport.     (Irrefutable)   Q. What does the word 'benign' mean? A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight     (brilliant)   Q. What is a turbine? A. Something an Arab or Shriek wears on his head.

Once a Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper

and wraps it around his head. (now we are getting somewhere)

Different professions … Different Instruction/expression ... could they carry the same meaning?

email from Kamalini Kanapathippillai.

Doctor:                       "Please take off your clothes."

Dentist:                      "Now open wide and hold still " 

Veterinarian:                 "How's your pretty pussy ?"

 Gardener:            "Want me to fertilize your bush ?"

 Lawyer:              "Let's go over section 69."

Banker:                       "If you withdraw too early you lose interest."

Chef:                         "Do you like it hot and spicy.?"

Police:                       "You don't need protection."

Army personnel:       "Load. Aim. Fire."

Swimming instructor: "Go deeper."

Gym trainer:          "Push harder".

Interior Decorator:   "Once it’s done, you will love it."

Telephone Guy :        "Would you like it on the table or against the wall !!

Teacher :                       “Don't  worry, you can do it all over again.”

Santa Singh once again.........

 email from Kamalini Kanapathippillai.

 

After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were
returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express.

Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his
son the top most berth in the train. 

When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed. When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.

Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that
he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh
explained the whole situation to him in English.

Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving
birth to my child."

,_.___

Cause of accidents, USA.

email from Kamalini Kanapathippillai.

From the photos below, check out what causes most accidents in the US!

Let's see your power of observations... 

Know what causes the most accidents in the USA ?                Not cell phones... Not listening to radios... Not GPS monitor... Not talking... Not texting... Not watching a car video... Not changing a CD... The most frequent causes of accidents in the USA are caused by:    Yep. You guessed it!                  It's the Inappropriate footwear! What were you checking out!  PS. Two more causes but wearing appropriate shoes:-

Teaching baby to crawl.

Rrr-epeat after me! Buddy the dog shows seven-month-old baby girl how to crawl in adorable home video

Valerie Stevens-Scott from Atlanta, Georgia, filmed the family pet giving her seven-month-old daughter, Allie, an impromptu how-to session this month.

Full Story:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2666124/Rrr-epeat-Buddy-dog-shows-seven-month-old-baby-girl-crawl-adorable-home-video.html

Accomodating cultural differences.

email from 

Dujeepa D. Samarasekera

Interesting to see how different nations and leadership handle cultural differences. The following was the immediate comment and order which came from Minister Yacub Ibrahim and the Muslim Council for Religious Affairs in Singapore to a proposed protest march organised by a religious teacher here.  FYIP. Best Dujeepa

"In a multicultural society such as Singapore, there are bound to be differences of opinion, thus it is important to work in a spirit of quiet consultation and accommodation in dealing with such differences, said Minister-in-charge of minister for communications, information and Muslim Affairs Dr. Yaacob Ibrahim.

http://www.todayonline.com/singapore/accommodate-differences-opinion-society-urges-dr-yaacob

Accommodate differences of opinion in society, urges Dr Yaacob

Minister-In-Charge of Muslim Affairs Yaacob Ibrahim. File photo: MediaCorp

Consultation and accommodation important in multicultural society such as Singapore, he says.

ENJOY THE BEAUTIFUL BIRDS - THE MESSAGES ARE ANOTHER STORY!!

email from Sunil Liyanage