Chinese honeymoon... - email jksw

A young Chinese couple get married She's a virgin & they are both waiters.  Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets, as her husband undresses in the darkness.   He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. "My darring," he whispers, "I know dis you firss time and you berry flighten.  I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting juss anyting you want. You juss ask.

  Whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.

A thoughtful silence follows, and he waits patiently and eagerly for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try someting I have heard about from other girls ... Nummaa 69". More thoughtful silence, but this time from him Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her... "You want ... Garlic Chicken with corrifrowa?"

G20 summit... - email from jksw

G20 ENDS ABRUPTLY AS OBAMA CALLS PUTIN A JACKASS

POSTED BY ANDY BOROWITZ

ST. PETERSBURG (The Borowitz Report)—Hopes for a positive G20 summit crumbled today as President Obama blurted to Russia’s Vladimir Putin at a joint press appearance, “Everyone here thinks you’re a jackass.”

The press corps appeared stunned by the uncharacteristic outburst from Mr. Obama, who then unleashed a ten-minute tirade at the stone-faced Russian President.

“Look, I’m not just talking about Snowden and Syria,” Mr. Obama said. “What about Pussy Riot? What about your anti-gay laws? Total jackass moves, my friend.”

As Mr. Putin narrowed his eyes in frosty silence, Mr. Obama seemed to warm to his topic.

“If you think I’m the only one who feels this way, you’re kidding yourself,” Mr. Obama said, jabbing his finger in the direction of the Russian President’s face. “Ask Angela Merkel. Ask David Cameron. Ask the Turkish guy. Every last one of them thinks you’re a dick.”

Shortly after Mr. Obama’s volcanic performance, Mr. Putin released a terse official statement, reading, “I should be afraid of this skinny man? I wrestle bears.”

After one day of meetings, the G20 nations voted unanimously on a resolution that said maybe everyone should just go home

---

The joke of the millennium: email from jksw.

*Teacher* -"Where is the CAPITAL of SRI LANKA ?" 
*Student* -"In Swiss Banks"

Marketing - email from jksw

       A Professor explained Marketing to MBA students

       1. You see gorgeous girl in party,
       you go to her & say I am rich marry me
       That's Direct Marketing.

       2. You attend party & your friend goes to a girl & pointing at you
       tells her. He' is very rich, marry him - That's Advertising.

       3. Girl walks to you & says u are rich, can u marry me?
       "That's Brand Recognition"

       4. You say I m very rich marry me & she slaps u
       "That's Customer Feedback"

       5. You say I m very rich marry me & she introduces you to her husband
       "That's Demand & Supply Gap"

       6. Before you say I m rich, marry me, your wife arrives
       That's Restriction from Entering New Market

Playing golf email from jksw

Gods punishment!

jksw

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf.

So .... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.

Setting up on the first tee, he was all alone. After all, it was Sunday
morning and everyone else was in church!

Watching this sacrilege  Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord, while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.

IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!



St. Peter looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?"

The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"  

'Getting to know you'

A lovely piece from the Broadway musical "The King and I", a hit in the 1960s.
Click on the link below and listen carefully to the words of the lilting music:-


Song from the movie 'The King and I'. Click below:-

http://youtu.be/bRpeFRc_xM4

The cartoon version, click below :-

http://youtu.be/X3Zqw7--fuU

A stage version, click below:-

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJheD6XZDsg&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Expertise - email jksw

Break time,….good story.

PS

Reminds me of an incident in the life of Dr.Stanley de Silva - Paediatrician, Lady Ridgeway Hospital, Sri Lanka.

"Dr.Silva had to give evidence in courts. He was being cross-examined. The question put to him was 'Doctor you have submitted a bill for R,25/- (A large sum of money those days) to issue this medical certificate to say that this person is in normal health. Don't you think that this bill is too much?'

Dr.Stanley de Silva replied:-

' It is easy to diagnose an illness in a patient. It needs a lot ot of experience to affirm that a patient is free of any disease'.

Philip G V