I said to Sunil that the best way to keep myself occupied in retirement is to have a baby; his shocked response was this story. With the help of fertility experts, a 65 year old woman had a baby. All her relatives came to see the newest member of their family. When they asked to see the baby, the new mother says “not yet”. A little later they ask again. Again the mother says “not yet”. Finally they say, “When can we see the baby?” And the mother says “When the baby cries”. “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?” The new mother says “because I forgot where I put it”.
I don’t plan to grow old gracefully though:
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I’ve got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that’s not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it’s especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things, even in the best of weather. My tyres are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently. But here’s the worst of it – Almost every time I sneeze, cough or splutter – my radiator leaks. Well, I am not quite there yet. But with the help of my friends and colleagues, I hope to put all this right, until I look like a well-maintained vintage car.
I have enjoyed my time as a doctor and a radiologist. I never set out to be a radiologist. I wanted to be a rheumatologist. I went for my job interview at Reading, and was duly appointed Registrar in Rheumatology. My two prospective Consultants who had interviewed me got talking to Sunil who had accompanied me. Sunil was keen on a career in Paediatrics, and was doing general and neonatal paediatrics at the time, and was looking for a more senior post. Within a few moments of talking to Sunil, the senior consultant Ian Meanock came and asked me whether I minded stepping down to the SHO job, so that Sunil could be offered the Registrar post in Rheumatology. I didn’t think I had a choice in the matter, as the decision seemed to have been made already. Sunil then decided on a career in Rheumatology, and I was left with the task of finding any other speciality – and I ended up in Radiology. I had done my MRCP in preparation for a career in Rheumatology. So when I switched to Radiology, I had to start at the bottom of the ladder again. This was not nice. So, after a shaky start, I began to enjoy radiology.
It can’t be such a difficult speciality to master. Once I had to take my 6 year old son to work with me for a few hours. I took him to my room and gave him a few books, and asked him to keep quiet and read, while I did some reporting. A little while later, I left the room for a few minutes, came back and saw him using my dictaphone, saying, “Heart size normal, lung fields clear. Heart size normal, lung fields clear. Heart size normal, lung fields clear”.
I started here as a Consultant in 1975 and have enjoyed every minute - well, may not be every minute, of my working life. I am sure all of us have moments of frustration; but all in all, work was always a great pleasure.
I have relished my career as a radiologist. I have eaten up every ounce of information that came my way, and dealt out as much compassion as I could, even if I didn’t always feel like it. I have tried to maintain a balance in my life, and hold on to my sanity. You would have to judge if I succeeded or not.
We have made many and close friendships among Consultants, other hospital staff, and GPs. I thank you for the years of companionship and support you have given me.
Bringing up two wonderful sons has perhaps been my best achievement, but I must let you know what they think about this. One day I walked into the sitting room and found it terribly messy, and started telling them off. One of them immediately said to me, “It’s not our fault mummy, we have been badly brought up”.
As you probably know we are working part-time at the moment so that we can wean our body and soul to full retirement. Though it’s been a wonderful 30 years I am also looking forward to doing as I please in full retirement, and not necessarily living by the clock all the time.
The next stage may be a nursing home, but I found an alternative! No nursing home for me. I am checking in to the Holiday Inn. With the average cost of a nursing home reaching £100 per day, there is a better way when we get old and feeble. I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long-stay discount and a senior’s discount it is £53 per night. That leaves £47 a day for: Lunch and dinner at any restaurant I want, or room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV films. They provide a free swimming pool, and a gym. Most have free toothpaste (though I may not have teeth by then), and all have free shampoo and soap.
TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced, maybe often? No problem. They fix everything, and apologise for the inconvenience. They treat you like a customer, not a patient. £3 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you. There is a bus stop out front, and OAPs travel free. The disabled bus will also pick you up, if you fake a decent limp. To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus, and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you are at the airport, fly somewhere; otherwise, the cash keeps building up. It takes months to get into a decent nursing home. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in one place forever; you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from City to City. They have a night security person, and daily room service. The maid checks if you are OK. If not, they call an ambulance or the undertaker.
Before I reach the nursing home stage, there are a few things I wish to have:
Before I go, I’d like to have high cheekbones, and
be thought of as thin
And I’d like to learn to tap-dance, salsa and spin
I’d like to have a theme song, and plenty of bling
When I enter a room, I’d like an orchestra and
choir to sing
Before I go, I’d like Robert Redford, just once, to
slide his fingers down my back, from my
neck to my waistline
But I’d like to have a waistline before I go
I’d like, when offered a choice between duty and
sin, to not immediately choose duty
But I’d like a couple of offers before I go
