The value of a Catholic education.

.

Little Doris was not the best student in Catholic School.  Usually she slept through her classes.  

One day her teacher, a nun, called on her while she was sleeping.  'Tell me Doris, who created the universe?'  When Doris didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.  'God Almighty!' shouted Doris. 

The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.   A little later the Nun asked Doris, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'  But Doris didn't stir from her slumber.  Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.  'Jesus Christ!' shouted Doris. And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Doris fell back asleep.  

The nun later asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'  Again, Johnny came to the rescue.  This time Doris jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'  

The nun fainted!

Exotic Orchid Flower called Hanging Naked Men!

Exotic Orchid Flower called Hanging Naked Men!
Date: Mon, 12 May 2014 21:16:38 +1030

*Nature has a great sense of humour..!*

 This Exotic Orchid is called Hanging Naked Men...........

It is called Orchis Italica, or The Naked Man Orchid. So funny.

They come in all sorts of shapes and, umm... sizes.

Where are your Glasses?

email from Kamalini Kanapathippillai

-     Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. “Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing …”,  I said. Talking about my  "doing-something-useful"  seems to be her favourite topic of conversation. She was  "only thinking of me"  she said and suggested I go down to the Senior Centre and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a prank on her. I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a Parachute Club. She replied,  "Are you nuts?  You are 73 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her. She immediately telephoned  me,  "Good grief, where are your glasses!  This is a Membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club." "Oh man, I'm in trouble again;  I really don't know what to do ... I signed up for five jumps a week!!" The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted. Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun.

The dangers of silence

email from Dennis Aloysius

An indian couple remains silent in bed.

Wife thinks : Why is he not talking to me?

Is he thinking of another woman?

Is he seeing someone? 

Don’t I appeal to him anymore?

Are wrinkles showing on my face?

Is he trying to dump me? 

Have I put on weight at the wrong places?

Does my make up repel him these days?

Is he upset with my nagging?

Why??? Why ?? Why ??

??

??

??

??

??

 

??

 

and the husband is thinking 

"Oh why the hell did Dhoni send in Yuvaraj to bat ???  

The 11th husband

A young man married a beautiful woman  who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding  night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm  still a Virgin". 

"What?"  said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been  married ten times?" 

"Well,  husband #1 was a Sales  Representative; he  kept telling me how great it was going to  be. 

"Husband  # 2 was in Software  Services; he  was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he  said he'd look into it and get back with  me. 

"Husband  # 3 was from Field  Services; he  said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just  couldn't get the system up. 

"Husband  # 4 was in Telemarketing; even  though he knew he had the order,  he didn't know when he would be able to  deliver. 

"Husband  # 5 was an Engineer, he  understood the basic process but he wanted three years to  research, implement, and design a new state of the-art  method. 

"Husband  #6 was from Administration; he  thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job  or not. 

"Husband  # 7 was in Marketing; although  he had a product, he was never sure how to position  it...

"Husband  # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all  he did was talk about it. 

"Husband  # 9 was a Gynecologist; all  he did was look at it. 

"Husband  # 10 was a Stamp  Collector; all  he ever did was lick it..... God I miss  him. 

"  But now that I've married you, I'm so excited". 

"Wonderful",  said the husband, "but why? 

"You're  with the 
"GOVERNMENT"   

  This  time I  KNOW I'M gonna  get screwed."

" First the Apple"....When will WE ever learn?

 

 

A woman runs a red traffic light and crashes into a  man's car. Both of their cars are demolished, but amazingly, neither of them is hurt.

 

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says; "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

 

The man replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"

 

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." She then hands the bottle to the man.

 

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

 

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police."

 

Adam ate the apple, too.

Men will never learn...

 

The Amazing Lyre Bird

email from Gallege De Silva.

 Able to imitate just about anything 

     http://www.flixxy.com/lyrebird.htm#.UV8baWZWoKA.email

PS 

We have in Sri Lanka the 'Drongo' called 'Kathura' in Sinhalese. This bird imitates sounds like the mewing of a cat and also various bird calls.