Where are your Glasses?

email from Kamalini Kanapathippillai

-     Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. “Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing …”,  I said. Talking about my  "doing-something-useful"  seems to be her favourite topic of conversation. She was  "only thinking of me"  she said and suggested I go down to the Senior Centre and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a prank on her. I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a Parachute Club. She replied,  "Are you nuts?  You are 73 years old and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her. She immediately telephoned  me,  "Good grief, where are your glasses!  This is a Membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club." "Oh man, I'm in trouble again;  I really don't know what to do ... I signed up for five jumps a week!!" The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted. Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun.

The dangers of silence

email from Dennis Aloysius

An indian couple remains silent in bed.

Wife thinks : Why is he not talking to me?

Is he thinking of another woman?

Is he seeing someone? 

Don’t I appeal to him anymore?

Are wrinkles showing on my face?

Is he trying to dump me? 

Have I put on weight at the wrong places?

Does my make up repel him these days?

Is he upset with my nagging?

Why??? Why ?? Why ??

??

??

??

??

??

 

??

 

and the husband is thinking 

"Oh why the hell did Dhoni send in Yuvaraj to bat ???  

The 11th husband

A young man married a beautiful woman  who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding  night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm  still a Virgin". 

"What?"  said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been  married ten times?" 

"Well,  husband #1 was a Sales  Representative; he  kept telling me how great it was going to  be. 

"Husband  # 2 was in Software  Services; he  was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he  said he'd look into it and get back with  me. 

"Husband  # 3 was from Field  Services; he  said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just  couldn't get the system up. 

"Husband  # 4 was in Telemarketing; even  though he knew he had the order,  he didn't know when he would be able to  deliver. 

"Husband  # 5 was an Engineer, he  understood the basic process but he wanted three years to  research, implement, and design a new state of the-art  method. 

"Husband  #6 was from Administration; he  thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job  or not. 

"Husband  # 7 was in Marketing; although  he had a product, he was never sure how to position  it...

"Husband  # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all  he did was talk about it. 

"Husband  # 9 was a Gynecologist; all  he did was look at it. 

"Husband  # 10 was a Stamp  Collector; all  he ever did was lick it..... God I miss  him. 

"  But now that I've married you, I'm so excited". 

"Wonderful",  said the husband, "but why? 

"You're  with the 
"GOVERNMENT"   

  This  time I  KNOW I'M gonna  get screwed."

" First the Apple"....When will WE ever learn?

 

 

A woman runs a red traffic light and crashes into a  man's car. Both of their cars are demolished, but amazingly, neither of them is hurt.

 

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says; "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

 

The man replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"

 

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." She then hands the bottle to the man.

 

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

 

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police."

 

Adam ate the apple, too.

Men will never learn...

 

The Amazing Lyre Bird

email from Gallege De Silva.

 Able to imitate just about anything 

     http://www.flixxy.com/lyrebird.htm#.UV8baWZWoKA.email

PS 

We have in Sri Lanka the 'Drongo' called 'Kathura' in Sinhalese. This bird imitates sounds like the mewing of a cat and also various bird calls.

Sri Lanka issues stamps honouring Ho Chi Minh .

email forwarded by jks weerasekera.

Sri Lanka issues stamps honouring Ho Chi Minh (Vietnam News) Inbox x Sri Lanka issues stamps honouring Ho Chi Minh  http://vietnamnews.vn/life-style/254569/sri-lanka-issues-stamps-honouring-ho-chi-minh.html The stamp collection featuring Ho Chi Minh has seven designs. – Photo courtesy of the Vietnamese embassy in Sri LankaSRI LANKA (Biz Hub) — Sri Lanka has issued about 500,000 new stamps with seven designs featuring former President Ho Chi Minh to celebrate his 102th birthday on May 19. The collection has been designed by Sri Lankan artist Kumudu Tharaka who has depicted Ho Chi Minh with vivid and bright colours. All the stamps feature Minh's portrait and a red flag with a yellow star. Minh had visited Sri Lanka several times during his revolutionary life, according to Vietnamese Ambassador to Sri Lanka Ton Sinh Thanh. Minh is one of few international political figures to feature on Sri Lankan stamps. "We believe that the issuance of the Ho Chi Minh stamps would be another step to promote bilateral cooperation, and people-to-people and business interaction between our two countries," said Thanh. The ambassador said the first agreement signed with Sri Lanka after the country's re-unification in 1975 was a postal deal. — VNS Courtesy: Vietnam News See also Vesak Day celebrations begin in Ninh Binh  http://vietnamnews.vn/life-style/254570/vesak-day-celebrations-begin-in-ninh-binh.html

ITS RAINING FISH!, Sri Lanka.

Date: Sat, 10 May 2014 21:08:20 +0530
Subject: FW:

From Kitta Rajaratnam.

jksw

fish rain down on Sri Lanka village

BBC 6 May 2014 17:30

Villagers in west Sri Lanka have said they have been surprised and delighted by an unusual rainfall of small fish.  The edible fish fell during a storm and are believed to have been lifted out of a river during a strong wind.

Villagers in the district of Chilaw said they heard something heavy falling and found scores of fish with a total weight of 50kg (110lbs). It is not the first such incident in Sri Lanka - in 2012, a case of "prawn rain" was recorded in the south.

Villagers collected the contents of the "fish shower" into buckets and enjoyed an unusual free meal

Scientists say that "fish rain" usually occurs when swirling whirlwinds over relatively shallow water develops into waterspouts and sucks in almost anything in the water including fish, eels and even frogs. The marine life can be carried long distances by buffeting clouds even when the waterspout stops spinning.

Villagers say that the "fish rain shower" took place on Monday with the creatures falling on the village green, roads and roofs. Some of the fish - each three to five inches (5cm-8cm) in length - were still alive and were put in a buckets of water by villagers who ate them later. This is the third time this has happened in Sri Lanka, but not from the same area.

In addition to the reported "prawn rain" of 2012 in the south, there was yellow and red "meteor rain" the same year - a weather development that is reportedly still being investigated by US and British scientists. Fish is a valued commodity in Sri Lanka.

Many of the fish that rained down were still alive when villagers collected them

Analysis: Steve Cleaton Forecaster, BBC Weather Centre

The most likely cause of this unusual event probably relates to the formation of a tornado. Tornadoes tend to form in areas where large differences in both temperature, humidity and wind speed and direction occur.

Complex meteorological processes result in a rapidly rotating column of air spinning out of the base of storm clouds, often causing huge damage and acting like vacuum cleaners, sucking up any material in their path.

In the Sri Lankan storm, a tornado probably formed over land, drifted over river systems or coastal waters and sucked up light fish that were lifted all the way into the base of the storm cloud. Later the fish were rained out of the cloud.