Email forwarded by Sivaraja.
For many years I
worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to
die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the
last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are
faced with their own mortality.
I
learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes
were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected,
denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every
single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of
them.
When
questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do
differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most
common five:
1.
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life
others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It
is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the
way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health
brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2.
I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By
simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it
is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating
more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new
opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3.
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We
cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially
react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it
raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or
it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you
win.
4.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It
is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when
you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life
fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if
possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for
them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they
love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task.
It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is
all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5.
I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before .........
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before .........
