Thursday, February 6, 2014

Noah's Ark


email from Kamalini Kanapathippillai.

                               

I am not afraid of tomorrow for I have seen yesterday and I love today.


Noah's Ark :
 Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah's Ark . 

ONE
: Don't miss the boat. 
TWO
: Remember that we are all in the same boat! 
THREE
: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.  
FOUR
: Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
FIVE
: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done. 
SIX:
 Build your future on high ground. 
SEVEN
: For safety's sake, travel in pairs. 
EIGHT
: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs. 
NINE
: When you're stressed, float awhile. 
TEN
: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals. 
ELEVEN
: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting.


Please pass this on to people you want to be blessed.
Give it! Don't just get it!

Most people walk in and out of your life,
but FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Battery check



 Email from jks weerasekara.

I had never heard of this before but pretty cool, watch to the end, only 90 seconds long.




Celibacy apparently awaits us all!


email from jks weerasekara
 Willie Nelson





Whether or not you are a country music fan,  words of wisdom from that famous philosopher , iconic country and western singer, on his 75th birthday below his esteemed portrait.


"I have outlived my pecker."

The Penis Poem--by Willie Nelson
My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.
What used to be my sex appeal,
Is now my water spout.
Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.
But now I've got a full time job,
To find the f***in' thing.
It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave.
For every single morning,
It would stand and watch me shave.
Now as old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its little head,
And watch me tie my shoes!!

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Dr Finleys Casebook Story

email from jksweerasekara

A little Scottish humour (and advice)!

A woman goes to the Doctor in Glasgow, worried about her husband's temper and threatening manner.

The Doc asks: "What's the problem, Janet?

The woman says: "Weeell Doctor Cameron, I dinae know what to do.   Every time ma hubbie comes home drunk, he threatens to slap me aroon'."

The Doctor says: "Aye, well... I have a real good cure for that.

When your husband arrives home intoxicated,  take a wee glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth.
Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is sound asleep."

Two weeks later she comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

She says: "Doctor that was brilliant!     Evrae time ma hubbie came home drunk,  Iswished with water.    I swished an' swished,  and he didnae touch me even once!

Tell me Doc...wha's the secret?    How's the water do that?"

The Doctor says:   "Janet haen,  it's really nae big secret.   The water does bugger all - it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.


Great Words on Marriage

email sent by JKS Weerasekara




Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men
should
be happier than others.

--Oscar Wilde

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Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

--Scottish Proverb

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I don't worry about terrorism. I was  married for
two years.

--Sam Kinison
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Men have a better time than women; for one thing,
they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
 
--H. L. Mencken

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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding
her way back to home always.

--Anonymous

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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

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She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then
the mud fell off.

--Anonymous

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