G20 ENDS ABRUPTLY AS OBAMA CALLS PUTIN A JACKASS
POSTED BY ANDY BOROWITZ
ST. PETERSBURG (The Borowitz Report)—Hopes
for a positive G20 summit crumbled today as President Obama blurted to
Russia’s Vladimir Putin at a joint press appearance, “Everyone here
thinks you’re a jackass.”
The
press corps appeared stunned by the uncharacteristic outburst from Mr.
Obama, who then unleashed a ten-minute tirade at the stone-faced Russian
President.
“Look,
I’m not just talking about Snowden and Syria,” Mr. Obama said. “What
about Pussy Riot? What about your anti-gay laws? Total jackass moves, my
friend.”
As Mr. Putin narrowed his eyes in frosty silence, Mr. Obama seemed to warm to his topic.
“If
you think I’m the only one who feels this way, you’re kidding
yourself,” Mr. Obama said, jabbing his finger in the direction of the
Russian President’s face. “Ask Angela Merkel. Ask David Cameron. Ask the
Turkish guy. Every last one of them thinks you’re a dick.”
Shortly
after Mr. Obama’s volcanic performance, Mr. Putin released a terse
official statement, reading, “I should be afraid of this skinny man? I
wrestle bears.”
After one day of meetings, the G20 nations voted unanimously on a resolution that said maybe everyone should just go home
