Friday, February 13, 2015

CHEWING GUM WITH A YANKIE.

email from Chella Pathmanathan.

An Australian man was having a
coffee and croissants with butter
and jam in a cafe when an
American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum and said, 'You Australian folk eat the whole bread?'

The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his
breakfast, and replied, 'of course.'

The American blew a huge bubble. 'We don't. In the States, we only
eat what's inside. ?The crusts we collect in a container,
recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia .'

The American had a smirk on his
face. The Australian listened in silence.

The American persisted, 'D'ya eat jam with your bread?' Sighing, the
Australian replied, 'of course.'

Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, 'we don't. In the
States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and the
leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam
and sell it to Australia ...

The Australian then
asked, 'Do you have sex in the States?'

The American smiled and said 'Why of course we do'

The Australian leaned closer to him and asked, 'And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?'

'We throw them away, of course!'

Now it was the Australians
turn to smile.

'We don't. In Australia , we put
them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing
gum and sell them to the United States

... Why do you think it's called Wrigley's?'?

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Bracelet-tablet.

Look what they have developed in Israel .  




Humor of married life.



A MARRIED MAN'S PRAYER;
DEAR GOD, U GAVE ME CHILDHOOD, U TOOK IT AWAY.
U GAVE ME YOUTH, U TOOK IT AWAY.
U GAVE ME A WIFE.......... IT’S BEEN YEARS NOW,
JUST REMINDING U......

XXXXXXXXXXXX
WIFE: SHALL I PREPARE SOUP OR DHAL TODAY .
HUSBAND: FIRST MAKE IT, WE WILL NAME IT LATER

XXXXXXXXXXXX
A FRUSTRATED HUSBAND IN FRONT OF HIS LAPTOP:
DEAR GOOGLE, PLEASE DO NOT BEHAVE LIKE MY WIFE...
PLEASE ALLOW ME TO COMPLETE MY SENTENCE BEFORE YOU START GUESSING

XXXXXXXXXXXX
HUSBAND: I FOUND ALADIN'S LAMP TODAY.
WIFE: WOW, WHAT DID U ASK FOR DARLING??
HUSBAND: I ASKED HIM TO INCREASE YOUR BRAIN TEN TIMES..
WIFE: OH..JAAN..LUV U SO MUCH.. DID HE DO THAT??
HUSBAND: HE LAUGHED AND SAID MULTIPLICATION DOESN'T APPLY ON ZERO.

XXXXXXXXXXXX
A MAN GIFTED HIS WIFE A DIAMOND NECKLACE FOR THEIR ANNIVERSARY AND 
WIFE DIDN'T SPEAK TO HIM FOR 6 MONTHS.
WAS THE NECKLACE FAKE?
NOOOOO! THAT WAS THE DEAL :)

XXXXXXXXXXXX
A COUPLE WAS HAVING DINNER AT A FANCY RESTAURANT. AS THE FOOD WAS 
SERVED, THE HUSBAND SAID, "THE FOOD LOOKS DELICIOUS, LET'S EAT."
WIFE: HONEY.....YOU SAY PRAYER BEFORE EATING AT HOME.
HUSBAND: THAT'S AT HOME SWEETHEART......HERE THE CHEF KNOWS HOW TO 
COOK.


XXXXXXXXXXXX
BEST SLOGAN ON A MAN'S T-SHIRT :
"PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB ME,
I AM MARRIED AND ALREADY VERY DISTURBED"

Surveillence.

email from Kamalini Kanapathippillai

This is ridiculously funny! a weird sense of humour!

> I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood. So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch.
> I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIL in its center.
> Now, the Yorkshire police, the National Security Bureau, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in Europe are all watching my house 24x7x365.
> My children are followed to school every day and my wife when she goes shopping.  I'm followed to and from work every day.  So no one bothers me at all.
> I've never felt safer.
> All Thanks to Allah.