Damn Good Definitions ...

email from JKSW

ADULTERY - The wrong people doing the right thing. ALIMONY - The screwing you get for the screwing you got. BABY - A hollow tube with a loud voice at one end and a complete lack of responsibility at the other end. CANNIBAL - One who is apt to pass his best friend. CHIVALRY - A mans inclination to defend a woman against every man but himself. CONSCIENCE - That which hurts when everything else feels so good. CONSTIPATION - To have and to hold. COOKIE - A virgin doughnut. DANCE - A Naval engagement without the loss of seamen. DIVORCE - What happens when two people cannot stomach each other any longer. DECOY - A flashlight in the pants pocket. DIARY - Book of revelations. DOCTOR - A lucky fellow who is privileged to undress women and go all over them without getting his face                             slapped. ENEMA - A goose with a gush. EXPLORATION - Beating around the bush. FATHER'S DAY - Nine months before labour day. GENTLEMAN - One who is always careful to rest at least half his weight on his elbows. GIGGALO - The egg that laid the golden Goose. GLAMOUR GIRL - A much publicized young thing who is full of oomf, and frequently full of other things;                                    One who doesn't worry about the meat shortage. HORSE SHOW - A lot of horses showing their asses to a lot of horses' asses showing their horses. HUSBAND - What is left after the nerve has been killed. KEPT WOMAN - One who wears mink all day and fox all night. HUNG CHOW - Chinese constipation. A KISS - Upper persuasion for lower invasion;                 Upstairs shopping for downstairs merchandise. MASTURBATION - A solo played on a private organ. METALLURGIST - A man who can look at a platinum blonde and tell whether she is virgin metal or a common                                         ore. MINUTE MAN - One who double parks while he visits a sporting house. MORNING - The time of day when the rising generation retires, and the retiring generation arises. MOTHER'S DAY - Nine months after fathers day. DONKEY BARBECUE- Where everybody gets a piece of ass. NUN - A woman who ain't never had none, don't want none, and ain't going to get none. NURSE - A pan handler. NURSERY - A place to park last years fun until it grows up a bit. PAPOOSE - Consolation prize for taking a chance on an Indian blanket. PIMP - A crack salesman;              A nookie bookie. PREGNANCY - When a woman is all swelled up from her mate's handiwork. RHUMBA - An asset to music. SECRETARY - A stenographer who watches her periods. SIN - Anything the other fellow enjoys and you don't. SISSY - A man who gets out of the bath tub to take a leak. SPRING FEVER - When the iron in your blood turns to lead in your pencil. STORK - The bird that had none of the fun in bringing the babies. TAXIDERMIST - A man who mounts animals. TOMCAT - A ball bearing mouse trap. TRIPLETS - Having to take seriously what was poked at you in fun. VISE - Anything you enjoy that is bad for you. VIRGINITY - A bubble on the stream of life, one prick and it's gone forever. VIRGIN WOOL - Wool from a sheep that can outrun a sheep herder.       REMEMBER,  A day without a smile is, Like a day without sunshine ! A day without sunshine is, Like ... night !!!