Red Skelton and marriage - email jksw

>
> For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will
> enjoy this e-mail. For those of you not old enough you will see what
> you missed. Either way, his humour was always clean and he was a great
> entertainer. A re-run of great 'one liners' from the man who was
> known for his clean humour.
>
> RED SKELTON'S RECIPE
> FOR THE PERFECT
> MARRIAGE >
> 1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
> little beverage, good food and companionship.
> She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
>
> 2. We also sleep in separate beds.
> Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..
>
> 3.I take my wife everywhere,
> but she keeps finding her way back.
>
> 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
> "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
> So I suggested the kitchen.
>
> 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
>
> 6. She has an electric blender, electric
> toaster and electric bread maker.
> She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place
> to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
>
> 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
> because there was water in the carburetor.
> I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
>
> 8.She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
> Then the mud fell off.
>
> 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late
> for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
>
> 10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
>
> 11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
> first name was ' Always'.
>
> 12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
> I don't like to interrupt her.
>
> 13.The last fight was my fault though.
> My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
> I said, "Dust!".
>
> Can't you just hear him say all of these?
>
> I love it. These were the good old days when humour
> didn't have to start with a four letter word.
> It was just clean and simple fun.
> And he always ended his programs with the words,
>
> "And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.
>
>
>