The Jewish grand-mother's advice - email from jksw.

The Jewish Elbow

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming with his wife to visit.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301 . There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow , push button 301. I will buzz you in.

Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow , hit my doorbell."

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?

"What . . . You coming empty handed?"

Very good advice. In sunny Sri Lanka in the olden days, such a visit  was called AWW- Atha Wana Wanaa!

Wish you were jewish.

jksw

How was I born? - email from Sunil Liyanage

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Sunil Liyanage	19:14 (11 hours ago)

Daddy , how was I Born?  A little boy Goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?' The father Answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!  Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.   Then I Set up a date via e-mail with your Momand we met at a cyber-cafe..     We Sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.       There your mother Agreed to a download from my hard drive.   As soon as I was ready to upload,  We discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall,     and since it was too Late to hit the delete button,     nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that  Said:    'You have got a Male!

Indian Diplomacy

Your Funny for the day.........

Subject: If you attack ...

 

 

 

 

 

Life is pleasant, death is peaceful, it's the transition that's troublesome

 

The Cockoo - email from Gunsie

Subject: Fwd: Irish Millionaire..!!!!!!!!!!
To: 

The Irish Millionaire

The Irish Millionaire

Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 Euros.

"You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million Euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"

"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"

"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?

a) Sparrow

b) Thrush,

c) Magpie,

d) Cuckoo?"

"I haven't got a clue." said Mick,

''So I'll use my last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin."

Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and

repeated the question to him.

"Fookin hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple it's a cuckoo."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fookin sure."

Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go with cuckoo as my answer."

"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.

"Dat it is."

There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed,

"Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million euros!"

The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.

"Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"

"Because, ya damn fool, he lives in a Fookin clock!"

A man's home.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: "J. K. S. Weerasekera" : 
Date: Fri, 05 Apr 2013 18:04:01 +0530
Subject: FW: FW: THIS IS REALLY A MAN'S HOME

A man is a man for all that! –poem. Robert Burns

  The man o' independent mind 
He looks an' laughs at a' that. 

   jksw

Lunugamvehera project, Sri Lanka.

Date: Mon, 08 Apr 2013 16:18:37 +0530
Subject: Emailing: bananas. tissa.
  Picture Adjoining Chena, near Tissa,  bananas. 7 Km off Tissa.

The damming of the Kirindi Oya (a river) creating the Lunugam vehera water
scheme, allows water supply twice a year to the area.

This water scheme was commissioned in the 1980s in JRJ's time. Credit to
him.

Rajapakse tried to improve it but gave up as water was insufficient for the
stage 2 of envisioned scheme.

The impression of the older discerning locals is that it has made the
climate better, with more water, rains and greenery allowing two kannas or
harvests. Cannot do three per year.

Right now it is rice harvesting time. Reminds you of popular song,
lilting 'Ranwan karalin pirilaa, wel yaayama pirilaa, Siriya
ramani...ramanee sinaha paalaa' by Susil Premaratne and Latha of 1950s.


Those huge machines harvest paddy and bring out stoneless paddy seeds. All
in one go. Only a few do it all manually.

Machine Cost Rs 12000/ day. Will harvest 10 acres. Millers advance money for
the work.

Paddy sells at Rs 22/Kg, but higher at Rs 32 per Kg to govt if the paddy is
'cleaned' up better. Either way, the farmer is happy.

We bought husked rice at Rs 45 per Kg. In Colombo it is about Rs 60/

In comparison wheat flour is Rs 85 I think. Actually we don't buy it. At
that price it is cheaper to make aappa, roti pittu with rice. And the
prepared mixture is so easy to use.

Wheat flour bread, buns, maalu pang and pastry is yet popular, much mores so
in cities.

So much for the ancient huge PL480 American AID of wheat flour, which kept
our city folk happy and the 'peasants' rushing to Colombo for menial jobs.

The Americans subsided wheat growing.
Now we subsidise rice just as they did wheat. More independent.
Credit to Dudley, Sirima and Mahinda over the decades.

(Cost of a pang gediya is Rs 60/ Weight 335gms only. But in those towns it
is excellent to taste, crispy.)

Of course we shall not ignore the farmers, the rataka balaya!  Mohideen
Baig's deep ' Goviya wey rataka baley, goviya vey!'

Actually they only fought the good battles with the LTTE, hand to hand!
While city folk got the occasional bomb only.

jksw

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New species of Tarantula identified in Sri Lanka.

 Tarantula in sri lanka
: 

http://science.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/04/05/17616524-new-tarantula-from-sri-lanka-is-as-big-as-your-face-and-venomous-too?lite