Insults with class - email from Sunil Liyanage.

Sunil Liyanage	22:22 (6 hours ago)
to Sunil

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got
boiled down to 4-letter words.
·  A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on
the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies
or your mistress."


· "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr


· "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I
admire." - Winston Churchill


·    "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with
great pleasure."  Clarence Darrow


·    "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader
to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).


·    "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time
reading it." - Moses Hadas


·    "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I
approved of it." - Mark Twain


·    "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." -
Oscar Wilde


·    "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play;
bring a friend, if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston
Churchill
    "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second .... if
there is one." -  Winston Churchill, in response.


·   "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you
here." - Stephen Bishop

·  "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright


·  "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing
trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb


·    "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in
others." - Samuel Johnson


·   "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating


·  "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded
easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand


·  "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker


·   "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any
address on it?" - Mark Twain


· "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West


·  "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they
go." - Oscar Wilde


·  "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for
support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)


· "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder


· "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But this wasn't it." -
Groucho Marx

The future Physician - email from Gallege De Silva.

This is a real eye-opener trust me, and even better when coupled to NBN for immediate second opinions

Click: iDoctor

If that doesn't work click on this:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=r13uYs7jglg

Spring-loaded bathing suit - email jksw.

Guess what the above is?

No, it is not an eye patch,
No, it is not a head band,
No, it is not a knee brace,
No, it is not a medical support,
it is from France ...........and it is

a spring loaded Bathing suit!

So what is new?
We are spring loaded too!

REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not recommended for water skiing, surfing or
diving!
GOD

BLESS ENGINEERS

EVERYWHERE!!!

Driving in old age.

For senior citizens; a vexed question.

jksw

  

When should one stop driving How do you know when it is time to "hang up the car keys"?  I say A picture is worth ……… !!! I bet you will send this one on  It made me smile too!

Married life - Fw by jksw

The collected works of -the late-- Parsaan

"DO NOT TRY AT HOME"

1. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.  (David Bissonette)

2. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.  (Sacha Guitry)

3. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. (Socrates)  

4. Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.  (RICARDO)

5. The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"  (Dumas)

6. I had few words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.  (Sigmund Freud)

7. 'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'  (Anonymous)

8. 'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.   It's called marriage.'  (Sam Kinison) 

9. 'I've had bad luck with both my wives..The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'  (James Holt McGavra) 

10. Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming - Whenever you're wrong, admit it, - Whenever you're right, shut up.  (Patrick Murra) 

11. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....  (Nash)

12. You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.  (Anonymous)

13. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.  (Henny Youngman) 

14. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.  (Rodney Dangerfield) 

15. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'  (Anonymous) 

16. First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'  (Anonymous) 

Three Black Men - email from sjkw

3 Naked Black Men--(deserves a prize)

At the National Art Gallery , in Dublin Ireland , a Canadian couple were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men, totally naked, sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises but the one in the middle, had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of the black man in a predominately white, patriarchal society. “In fact,” he pointed out, “some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.” After the curator left, an Irish man approached the couple and said,“Would you like to know what the painting is really about?” “Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?” asked the husband. “Because I’m the guy who painted it.” he replied. ”In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They’re just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."

Benefits of meditation - Forwarded by Kamalini Kanapathippillai.