Old age - email from Sunil Liyanage

TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE, SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.

~Your Kids are becoming you......but your grandchildren are Perfect! ~Going Out is good.. Coming Home is better! ~You Forget names.... But it's OK because other people forgot they Even knew you!!! ~You realise you're never going to be really good at anything. ~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore. ~You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. It's Called "pre-sleep". ~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" Switch.. ~You tend to use more 4 letter words ... "what?"..."when?"... ??? ~Now that you can afford expensive jewellery, it's not safe to wear it anywhere. ~You notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!! ~What used to be freckles are now liver spots. ~Everybody Whispers. ~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your cupboard.... 2 of which you will never wear. ~~~But Old is good in some things: Old songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!  Stay well, "OLD" FRIEND! Send this on to other "Old" Friends! and let them laugh in AGREEMENT!!! It's Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived

1930 - 1979, email from Kamalini Kanapathippillai

FW: Those born between 1930-1979.

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No matter what our kids and the new generation think about us, WE ARE AWESOME !!!! OUR LIFE IS A LIVING PROOF !!!!   To Those of Us Born during 1930 - 1979    TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 1930s, 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s!! We were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cots covered with bright colored lead-base paints. We had no child proof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no caps or helmets on our heads. As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and some times no brakes.  Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.  We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and no one actually died from this.  We ate cup cakes and other sweets made with Butter & white sugar but were not over weight. WHY? Because we were always playing outside....that's why! We would leave home in the morning, go to school mostly on foot and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.. No one was able to reach us all day.There were no cell phones, not even land lines and, we were OKAY.  We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem We did not have Play stations, Nintendo's and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVDs, no surround-sound or CDs,  no cell phones,  no personal computers,  no Internet and no chat rooms. WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.  We would get punishments like caning, spankings with sticks, or just a bare hands and no one would call child services to report abuse. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them. Imagine that!!  The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! These generations have produced some of the best Managers risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.   what can kids today do besides push buttons.. We had freedom, failures, successes and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.  If YOU are one of them, CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good. While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were.

Pensioner's reply...- email from Sunil Liyanage

Repeated for another round of laughs.

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Sunil Liyanage	17:36 (22 hours ago)

Yesterday I was at my local Tesco buying a
large bag of Chum dog food for my loyal pet 
and was in the checkout queue when a woman 

behind me asked if I had a dog..
What did she think I had, an elephant? So, 
since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse 
I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, 

I was starting the Chum Diet again.

I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I
ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 
stone before I woke up in intensive care 

with tubes coming out of most of my orifices
and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet
and that the way that it works is to load your 
pockets with Chum nuggets and simply eat 

one or two every time you feel hungry. The
food is nutritionally complete so it works 
well and I was going to try it again. 

(I have to mention here that practically everyone
 in thequeue was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in
intensive care because the dog food poisoned 
me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to 

sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to
have a heart attack he was laughing so 
hard. I'm now banned from Tesco.

Better watch what you ask retired people
They have all the time in the world to 
think of daft things to say.

The history of St.Valentine's day.

The history of St Valentine's day, click on web-link below:-

http://news.discovery.com/history/history-valentines-day-121302.htm

Birmingham, Uk. email sent by Kamalini Kanapathippillai.

Subject: Back to school-A sign Of the Times

Registry on the first day back at school in Birmingham.

The teacher began calling out the names of the pupils:-

"Mustafa Al Eih Zeri?" "Here." 
"Achmed El Kabul?" "Here."
"Fatima Al Hayek? " "Here."
"Ali Abdul Olmi?" "Here."
"Mohammed Bin Kadir?" "Here."
"Ali Son al Len” - Silence in the classroom
"Ali Son al Len" - Continued silence as everyone looked around the room.

The teacher repeated the call.

A girl stood up and said, "Sorry teacher. I think that's me. It's pronounced Alison Allen.... 

Chinese treatment for enlarged prostate - email from jksw

Chinese PROSTATE Treatment....
I doubt your Urologist would recommend this traditional Chinese Prostate
Treatment but if you consider yourself a real man you might give it a try.
This Prostate Treatment is based on Qigong (Chi Gong) healing techniques and
is said to shrink enlarged prostates and result in healing and improved
sexual functions. If you try it I hope your "Gong Potency" improves "as your
chi grows".

http://biggeekdad.com/2012/04/chinese-prostate-treatment/#at_pco=cfd-1.0...

email from Lawrence Ratnam

Lawrenceratnamnam

Subject: Should children witness childbirth?

This is well worth a read

Should children witness childbirth? A very good question indeed. Here's your answer. Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could See while he helped deliver the baby... Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed And pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.  The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.. Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place.....smack his ass again!'  If you don't laugh at this one, there's no hope for you.

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